Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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