My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
