I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I could fuck to npr.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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