Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
