I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
