Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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