I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He felt like a one man threesome
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
