I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
