Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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