I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
