HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
