At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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