my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
