I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
