we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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