Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
