You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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