Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
