I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
