Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
