Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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