god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
