I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
