Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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