Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
