I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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