my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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