I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
