My first STD was from a foam party
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
