Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
