Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
