I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
