Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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