All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Barsexuality is the new black.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
