pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
