I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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