and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
