my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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