I wish my penis had an off switch
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
