your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
