You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am naked and annoyed.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
