Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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