She announced her abortion via fbk
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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