i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
