we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
