Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
