The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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