I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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