She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
