So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
