Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
