he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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