Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
