Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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